Honesty Hour

Here we go... A fresh new blog. This is probably the fourth or fifth blog I've started/restarted in the last 8 years or so. I've blogged about church camps and conferences, lyrics to songs I wrote (or attempted to write), chapters of short stories that filled my head, book reviews, and now here I am.

I miss writing. But, something is different this time. I don't want to write just for the sake of writing. I want my writing to mean something. Don't we all? Don't we all crave a feeling of purpose? A feeling of "Hey, what I do matters!"? 

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I think that's an intentional part of our design. We are created to not just occupy a space, to not just entertain ourselves to pass the time. So, why do we so often do just that? We want our lives to be worth something, but we often realize it at inconvenient times (too tired, too busy, not in the mood, etc.) and shrug it off with "Eh, I'll make it worth something tomorrow."

Isn't this tragic? Aren't we tired of tragedy? I know I'm not the only one...

In June of this year, my husband and I moved to a new city (literally, right smack-dab in the middle of the city) and it triggered a revival in me. The things I'd been saying I wanted to do or needed to do or felt called to do... I finally stopped making excuses. As I now like to say, I "got over myself." 

Now, I know that revival or renewal looks different to different people, but if you're wondering, here are the 3 things I finally decided to change in my life that have fostered a true change in me. 

1. I started praying. Intentionally, aloud, honestly praying. And, I started keeping a "prayer journal." I don't mean the "Dear God, it's me again..." type of prayer journal. I mean bullet points for specific requests or praises or thoughts that need to be turned over to God. And every couple of days, I flip back through the previous days and see what has been answered or what needs to be continually brought back to God faithfully as I watch expectantly for His hand at work in me and in my life.

2. I started studying my Bible. Nope. Not reading. Studying. Did you know there's a difference? Pardon me while I duck my head in shame and admit that I haven't been a faithful student (study-er?) of God's Word for most of my life. Have I always liked the Bible? Absolutely! In phases. I had a Treasure Study Bible as a kid that is probably my second favorite Bible I've ever owned (second to the one I currently use, found here). If you have kids, get them the Treasure Study Bible! But somewhere along the way as I got older, I found that I would only get on a Bible-reading (yes, reading-not studying) kick after a conference, church camp, or significant experience at church. I wanted to like it, really I did. I enjoy reading immensely as a general rule. But, honestly, I wasn't desperate to study it. Until this summer. Throughout this blog, I intend to dive in and openly share how I went from dreading (it's ok, we can be real here, right?) my "quiet time" to turning it upside down and finally, consistently, delighting in the Word of God. 

3. I started seeking out meaningful relationships and creating intentional opportunities to spend time with people-more specifically, my fellow ladies in the Tulsa area. I've never been particularly shy or anti-social, but I've noticed how withdrawn I've been in the recent past. How every interaction seemed to drain me, and how making plans one weekend meant I didn't want to plan anything again for months. 

So, why do I share all this? 

Because in the past few weeks, I've had a lot of honest conversations with young adults who identified with some of the same struggles I just shared. The struggle to know what to pray for or how to set aside intentional time for it. The struggle of learning how to study the Bible and connect with God through the gift that it is. The struggle of feeling like high school or college is over and now friendship is going to take a lot more work, work that sometimes wears you down or exhausts you, emotionally or mentally.

I hope you'll follow along in the coming weeks as I share a more in-depth look at what God is doing in me and what He's showing me through His Word. I'm not perfect and my circumstances aren't perfect, but I am being filled and renewed from the inside out, and I truly hope that this blog helps even one person come to fall in love with the Living God in a deeper and more real way.

You can also follow along my journey (though in much less detail) through Instagram!